Melancholy

In just a few days we're moving across town. My house is torn apart right now (I do, however, know exactly where every little thing is. You know how that is right?) and I'm in the thick of filling boxes and creating a huge pile that will soon be taken to St. Vinny's. This last month we've been at the new house patching, painting, cleaning, rigging and whole lotta other various things. I sit here at work almost having an anxiety attack thinking of all the things I must do in the next 72 hrs. I keep making all these lists but there is absolutely nothing I can do until tomorrow morning. What is the trick to turning off the anxiousness until then?! So I blog about it and feel the tension sinking in to my shoulders and head again. GAH!

This time next week we will be in another house. I wonder how the kids will do. We've lived in our current place for a little over three years. It's all they've ever known. It's the second longest place I've ever lived in my life. It is a sad thing to leave it. So many life changing things have happened to us there. Jack and Adele were both born. We've made it through unemployment. Jake has had two jobs and we've started three businesses. I started my job. We bought our first car. I've been in YW, Primary and now RS. Jake has been in YM and now EQ. (Serving in the church for my non-church friends :) It is crazy. So much has happened yet it went by really just too fast.

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." --Anatole France.

This quote really speaks to me. We have wanted bigger and better things. Some kind of change. We've wanted to move on and grow up and out of the little house that has been our home for the last few years. Now that we're doing it I'm just sad about leaving. I'm sad because of what I feel like I'm losing and leaving behind. That chapter, era, life, whatever you want to call it is about to die. And although we'll have the memories and the experiences, it will never be again. There is something so incredibly sad about that. I know I will miss this part of our lives dearly. I don't know if it was having Adele, or the maturing/experience of parenthood, or a combination of the two that has made me realize the importance of this precious moment in eternity in our family.

My children will only be little children for a few years. For the rest of forever, they will be adults. This time I have with their impressionable little minds is so short and a good clump of it was in this house. I don't have enough pictures, blog posts, journal entries or notes to encompass the adventures that took place here. My goal is that in this new house, and every other house we live in, I will take the pictures, print them, blog about the seemingly mundane and every day things that occur. Because now that I'm having to walk away from it my heart is broken at the memories that I haven't recorded in a physical way. I don't write this to sound depressing or to beat myself up, only to remind myself of the way it can feel to let the most simple things pass and go unnoticed.

Well there it is. Life lesson #48575937. Glad I learned this one somewhat early on before I turn into a grumply old lady with too much regret ;)