Melancholy

In just a few days we're moving across town. My house is torn apart right now (I do, however, know exactly where every little thing is. You know how that is right?) and I'm in the thick of filling boxes and creating a huge pile that will soon be taken to St. Vinny's. This last month we've been at the new house patching, painting, cleaning, rigging and whole lotta other various things. I sit here at work almost having an anxiety attack thinking of all the things I must do in the next 72 hrs. I keep making all these lists but there is absolutely nothing I can do until tomorrow morning. What is the trick to turning off the anxiousness until then?! So I blog about it and feel the tension sinking in to my shoulders and head again. GAH!

This time next week we will be in another house. I wonder how the kids will do. We've lived in our current place for a little over three years. It's all they've ever known. It's the second longest place I've ever lived in my life. It is a sad thing to leave it. So many life changing things have happened to us there. Jack and Adele were both born. We've made it through unemployment. Jake has had two jobs and we've started three businesses. I started my job. We bought our first car. I've been in YW, Primary and now RS. Jake has been in YM and now EQ. (Serving in the church for my non-church friends :) It is crazy. So much has happened yet it went by really just too fast.

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." --Anatole France.

This quote really speaks to me. We have wanted bigger and better things. Some kind of change. We've wanted to move on and grow up and out of the little house that has been our home for the last few years. Now that we're doing it I'm just sad about leaving. I'm sad because of what I feel like I'm losing and leaving behind. That chapter, era, life, whatever you want to call it is about to die. And although we'll have the memories and the experiences, it will never be again. There is something so incredibly sad about that. I know I will miss this part of our lives dearly. I don't know if it was having Adele, or the maturing/experience of parenthood, or a combination of the two that has made me realize the importance of this precious moment in eternity in our family.

My children will only be little children for a few years. For the rest of forever, they will be adults. This time I have with their impressionable little minds is so short and a good clump of it was in this house. I don't have enough pictures, blog posts, journal entries or notes to encompass the adventures that took place here. My goal is that in this new house, and every other house we live in, I will take the pictures, print them, blog about the seemingly mundane and every day things that occur. Because now that I'm having to walk away from it my heart is broken at the memories that I haven't recorded in a physical way. I don't write this to sound depressing or to beat myself up, only to remind myself of the way it can feel to let the most simple things pass and go unnoticed.

Well there it is. Life lesson #48575937. Glad I learned this one somewhat early on before I turn into a grumply old lady with too much regret ;)

One year ago...

I found out I was pregnant. I had a feeling. I took the test late morning at my parents house while my dad's parents were in town visiting. I couldn't wait until later that day. I just had a feeling. I did my business, and watched the stick. Only one line appeared so I started getting myself all situated to leave the restroom then I looked at the stick again. Two lines.

I cried and panicked as much as you can in about twenty seconds. I had to pull it together as to not give it away yet. I remember my dad asking me right after if I was ok and I told him I had a headache or something. I called Jake and told him real quick and quietly. I remember his calm voice telling me that this was good and we could do it.

I was so panicked because I felt like I had the plan in my head all set. This wasn't the right time. I wasn't ready for three, not ready for a sleep deprived newborn way of life. We didn't make enough money and on top of that we had to buy a bigger car. I was sad that I had to grow a baby and go through downs and downs (*Notice no "ups") of a first trimester.

A couple of weeks went by and we kept our little secret. Part of my plan was that if nobody knew, well then I just couldn't be sick. Maybe it was all in my head and if I wasn't allowed to be sick because no one knew I was pregnant, then maybe I wouldn't be! It seemed like it worked for a little while. I was still exercising a bunch and had a little burst of energy for a short time. Then all of a sudden it hit me. Right about the same time that I got hired at the hospital. It was like a dark black cloud...a giant engulfing wave of nausea, depression, anxiety and all around ickyness. I cried and cried, threw up all day long for weeks. Begged Heavenly Father to help me want this baby that so many pray for......

Now she is here. Now she is almost 4 months old. How could I have been so sure I didn't want her?! It almost makes me cry right now, just the thought of what a brat I was about it. I would almost expect Heavenly Father to teach me a lesson by giving me a difficult baby because of all the questioning and whining I did at the beginning. But of course he gave me a beautiful, perfect, healthy, sleeps-through-the-night, smiles-at-everything, thick-haired-perfect-for-bows kind of girl. I love her so much. She literally completes our family and is beyond perfect in every single way. Thank you Heavenly Father for knowing me better than I know myself. For trusting me with one of your choicest daughters. I've been stretched probably farther than ever this year and it has been so worth it. Every second of nausea, lean over the toilet, tear down my cheek, extra hour worked, date night missed, extra chores for Jake. I could go on and on. I would like to say that I'll never question again.....I will try my darndest :)

I need a vacation.

Who cares that I'm working 50 hours this week, it will only make next week that much better!!

I cannot wait to leave on Friday.

The week it hit the fan.

The crap vs. the fan----
-Monday: The Gormans kick off Beach week in VA without us.
-Tuesday: I can't even remember if that day existed for me.
-Wednesday: The kids embarrassed me at the store and I cried in front of a lot of people, Jake closed down Decclo and our house was broken into and robbed by JJ.
-Thursday: Spent all day on the phone trying to protect our bank accounts, credit, email, etc. Also dropped $300 on getting the cars re-keyed.
-Friday: Found out that Harrison Medical Center is re-bidding all Registration Department shifts starting from the top of the seniority list. There are 43 positions, 44 employees in the department and I'm number 42.

Why I still love my life----
-Monday: I got caught up on SYTYCD and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. And I skyped with my family in VA.
-Tuesday: I seriously can't remember that day.
-Wednesday: I wasn't at home when JJ decided to pay a visit, I saw The Zookeeper that night with the Frys and had a sleepover at their house.
-Thursday: Made a lovely dinner for the Frys, comfort food of course, home made mac-n-cheese with salad and juicy grapes.
-Friday: Went to the Zoo and started over with beautiful, new pictures of my kids. Cooper also said to me, "Mom, you know that guy who broke my door?" ...me: yeah.... "Why did he do that?" ....me:He's a bad man Coop.... "Oh, wellllllll, I'm gonna kill that man." This is when the "killing is bad" conversation commenced, right after I laughed at Cooper and his very serious face.

We'll just call him JJ.

Yesterday I left my house around 11am to run some errands. When I came back up our road sometime between 2:30 and 3:00 I saw our side door wide open and in an instant noticed the door frame was split and broken. I pretended like I wasn't looking and drove straight to our neighbors house (the only other house on our little dirt road). I went to Diane (our neighbor) and told her that I thought someone (who will be referred to as Johnny Jackass or JJ for short so you don't have to read my profanity over and over again) broke into our house and asked if I could use her phone. She told me that not even 15 min. before, her dogs went crazy barking and she could hear other dogs nearby barking. I called Jake first, he left work. Then I called the police. I was too scared to go to the house so I waited at my neighbors. Jake called a couple of minutes later and told me that the night before (I was working and got home at 3:30 am...) he got home around 8pm and when he turned onto our road there was a guy crouching down by some trees with a red frisbee "looking at rocks" and wouldn't look at Jake. He left the kids in the car and checked the house out cause he had a bad feeling in his gut about this guy. (Lesson learned #1: Call the police when you have a bad feeling in your gut) Jake showed up 15 or 20 minutes later and still no police. We waited another 10-20 minutes then Jake called again and basically told them this is ridiculous, where is a patrol car?! About three minutes after that one showed up....

I went down to the house where Jake and the officer already were checking things out. While we were waiting for the officer to show up we were trying to recall what was in the house that might be taken. At the top of the list was the laptop, it's always on our coffee table, $200 in cash that we just got for the bunkbeds we sold, (We never ever have cash any other time) and a few other things. At first glance we could tell that JJ kicked in the door (which is a door that goes into Cooper's bedroom, seriously so P-Oed about that) and basically went straight to our bedroom. All the drawers were pulled out, everything was knocked out of shelves and off of their surfaces. There was a little box on Jake's bookshelf that had his little mission trinkets in it, and $50 he was saving for our trip. They took the whole box. What little items Jake had from his short mission, gone. We have a stand on the dresser that keeps our phones, keys, wallets, camera etc on it. Luckily we both had our wallets and phones and the camera was with me in the car. But the extra civic keys were gone along with the $200 cash from the bunkbeds. (Lesson Learned #2: keep important things such as keys, cash, etc in your tupperware drawer)

**Sidestory: Sunday night Jake left the keys in the van and Monday they were nowhere to be found. We starting to wonder if they swiped them then and have been watching us and scoping us out for a few days now. Seriously nervewracking and ever so creepy.**

The items missing so far are laptop and cord, printer w/o cord and cover (I think JJ tripped on his way out because part of the printer broke off and the cord was on the floor going out the door), the cash and our car keys. (Lesson Learned #3: Renters Insurance, a simple $10/month would have been nice right about now that our total is rounding to somewhere around $2200, which still isn't much, but you know.)

The officer took his notes and asked us about changing the locks. He then gave us a tip that the whole world should know. Bear with me cause I don't know what I'm talking about but you know the piece of hardware on the door frame that catches the door, it's got a hole in it for the thingy on the door knob to go into when you turn it? Well it comes with 1 in. screws that just hold it in. Take those out, predrill 3 in holes and sink some 3 incher screws into the stud. Your door will buckle before it gets kicked in. (Lesson Learned #4: Make it a little harder for JJ instead of allowing him a wimpy a$$ kick to the door.)

Right after the officer left Jake and I tried to catch our bearings. I called the bank and put an alert on our account, change our online passwords and ordered new cards. I think I will actually close the account and open a new one today. We grabbed a couple of things, secured the broken door, locked up and headed to the Frys. Later last night Jake and I went back to the house to clean up. We crossed our fingers hoping that by some miracle we'd find JJ's ID or something like that, no such luck. It was creepy to be there. It felt wrong. We packed up our stuff and slept at the Fry's last night. Today Jake is out fixing the doors and securing windows. I have made phone calls to pawn shops, changed passwords for emails, set appointments to re-key both cars and I plan on visiting every neighbor on our street.

Thank goodness we weren't there when it happened. If it did in fact occur when the dogs were barking, I barely missed it. (Thank you distraction thrift shopping at St. Vincents) It seemed as though maybe (if it happened when the dogs were barking) they panicked and left without some things that I thought for sure they'd take (a PS2, a stereo, laptop speakers, a brand stinkin' new sewing machine, etc etc etc.) Maybe all they're after is our identity and they're trying to get that off of our computer, the cash and keys were simply a bonus. He's pawed my undies and seen pictures of my children. He knows what he left in the house and has keys to both of our cars. Well come on back JJ cause Lesson Learned #5 is to buy a shotgun.

Our Sunday Best

Yesterday we went to Point no Point. It was a gorgeous and sunny PNW day and we had to take advantage of it. I brought the camera to take lots of pictures for my Dad's side of the family. They're all in VA beach right now for a family reunion that we weren't able to attend this year. So our plan is to take lots of videos and pics and maybe skype a few times so that we're there in spirit. I pulled the camera out yesterday and (not to my surprise, really) it was dead.

So I charged up the camera, took some photos after church and uploaded them to edit. Guess what I found? A twenty-five minute video from Friday morning. The star? Cooper, in the car while I'm running errands. If you can imagine it, it starts with him playing with the camera (picture his upside down face really close up) then hear me coming to the car and watch him throw the camera down on the center console. It just so happened to film him in his car seat for the twenty minutes we ran around town. I'll spare you the actual video...I am glad to know that I'm actually NOT crazy and that I KNEW the battery was full when we went to the beach on Saturday....

Here are some pictures from after church today. As Jake calls them, our little Dapper Dan Men.

Adele Louise

It was your typical Friday, just another day over my due date and I didn't feel any closer to having this baby than the day before. That night we went to Maggie Coleman's high school graduation BBQ at the Coleman house (which was the house I lived in when I graduated from High School, talk about a wave of nostalgia!) I ate a ton of food (I bet that's what did it right there, pushed that baby right out) and I actually had a coke with hopes of jumpstarting something with a little caffeine. After the bbq we took the kids to the waterfront park and walked around. Then we went home and put them to bed. At about 9pm as we were lounging on the couch watching The First 48 (it's a sweet crime show on A&E) I started having light contractions every 15 minutes. After 45 minutes they started to get closer, down to about 10-12 minutes.

We decided to call Carly to give her a heads up. We all decided that if in an hour I was still having them, I'd go and check in. That way it'd still be early enough for Carly to come to the house and for us to get things going at the hospital. Well, an hour later we were down to about 5-7 minutes. I called the hospital and Carly and Chad came over. As we were getting our stuff ready to go it felt like the contractions were kind of going away. So I actually jogged a couple of laps around our driveway. Yeah right, I didn't want to be the girl checking in and being sent home in front of all my co-workers (I work there, remember?!) We hopped in the car and left. Sure enough when I got to the hospital they were back. (11:45ish PM) My friend Mandi checked me in. The nurse checked where I was at and after talking to Dr. Christen they decided to admit me for delivery. They put us in room 14, the room with the nicest view apparently. My parents called and said they were coming to hang out.

(1:00ish AM)My mom got there and asked me why I didn't order an epidural yet. I told her I was trying to be brave as long as I could. Then she pretty much told me you should just order it, why feel it if you don't have to? Don't you want to enjoy this? So I ordered it and two hours (2:30 or 3:00ish AM) later Dr. Ramirez came to administer the epidural. I got all wimpy and cried, ooooooooh it hurt. But then it was oh so good. SO GOOD that I was numb up to my arm pits. (5:30ish AM)I asked the nurse if that was ok. She said nope, and called Ramirez to find the solution. (Right around this time Kris arrived) He had her come and turn it down/or off, not sure. When she came back to do that I had started to feel a lot of pain in my left hip. Like, LOADS of pain. Every time I had a contraction I thought my hip was going to break. But the funny thing was, my chest was still numb. I had made it to that final 7-10cm stage and Dr. Christen came in right about that time (6:10ish?? I'm starting to forget....) He said I was ready to go and gave me the option to start pushing or to wait til we fixed the hip thing. We gave it a few minutes then went for it.

Dr. Christen told me that once the baby's head was out he'd have me stop so they could pump her stomach, she'd swallowed meconium (also known as poo in the womb). So I pushed once, they had me wait while they sucked poo out of her mouth and tummy. Jake and my mom told me she had A LOT of dark hair. When I was able to push again, it took 1 and a half pushes and she was out. (6:19 AM) She was perfect!!! And not just in a biased way that any mom would say, but she had a perfectly round head. No bumps or humps or bruises or broken blood vessels. Just a perfect girl. I was so clear headed and remember thinking how awesome those two minutes of my life were. I just couldn't stop looking at her. There are a few moments in my life that I remember pure JOY, where time stands still and I am consciously thinking to myself what a wonderful life I have and how much I am blessed, all in .2 milliseconds.... and that was one of them.

There she was. Miss Adele Louise, 8lbs 3oz and 19in long. Long dark hair and beautiful bow lips. The rest of the stay was nice. We ate such good food that day, got lots of naps and let it all set in that our daughter had finally arrived. Jake was a champ and was been and has been a great help ever since. I have felt AMAZING during my recovery. I started exercising two weeks later. Adele sleeps pretty much through the night and nursing is going great. I am loving this stage which has been difficult in the past. We feel so blessed to have her in our home and in our family. The boys have been great with her. Jack was a little difficult for the first couple of weeks, as to be expected, but has since returned back to his normal self.

I am now back at work and missing my baby every second I'm on the clock. I love this girl so much that I just might have another one ;)

Collect call:

weadababyitzagirl.

More on this soon.

Silly boys

My ever comedic sons just keep getting funnier somehow. Jack has recently come up with (or adopted from me, regretfully...) the one liner, "Stop bugging me." He pretty much says it a lot. It's real hard not to laugh at, but he means it when he says it. I'll tell him it's time to go potty. "Stop bugging me." I'll tell him he needs to be nice to his brother. "Stop bugging me." Cooper wants to have a drink out of Jack's water bottle. "Stop bugging me." I hope I haven't created a hermit child...

Cooper's cute moment of the day was this afternoon while watching Monsters Inc. After a while he just started to bawl and sob with giant alligator tears and red rosy cheeks, the whole shebang. He was by himself so Jake went to find out what was wrong and it was right at the end of the movie where Sully (the big blue monster) has to take Boo (the little girl) back to her room and say their goodbyes for what you think is forever at that moment in the movie. Cooper was so torn up that this little best buddy duo had to part never to see each other again. I'm sure he was also a little tired, it WAS that time of the day but he just couldn't be consoled on the matter for a good 30 minutes after the incident. Not sure we're gonna bust that movie out any time soon.

I don't need a hermit AND a child with abandonment/relationship issues from a Pixar movie.

I could but I won't...although I probably will.

Has it really been nearly six months? Do you know how much happens in six months in our lives? Well I could tell you but I won't bore you. In a nutshell, the last post was about going to the pyrex museum in Bremerton. I found out that morning that I was growing a human again. We told people a few weeks later, when the sickness set in. I also was hired at Harrison Medical Center right around that time too. I work in registration in the emergency department and labor and delivery. Jake also started a new job (while still running his businesses) working for Dr. Brad Frandsen as a business developer for Sound Medical Research. I guess the only thing that didn't change was our address....although that's probably changing sometime later this year. After three years here, we will be moving into Jake's grandparents house sometime this fall.

That was about as summarized as I could make it.

Currently, I have about 10 weeks or so left of being pregnant. Don't worry, you didn't miss much other than IT'S A GIRL! Is it weird that I haven't bought her one single outfit yet?! I have however been purchasing some fabrics for some fun girly sewing projects. The boys are very excited. Every time Cooper sees anything baby related he asks me if we're getting that for our baby or if we're getting a baby like that, etc. He is a way funny kid these days. Example: The other day I was reading him a Berenstein Bears book and he said to me (stone cold faced), "Mom, I thought bears couldn't get dressed or talk." Welp, you're absolutely right Cooper. He's seriously hilarious. Jack has all of a sudden become a new person it seems. He's talking all the time, I mean ALL the TIME. I wonder if all that time that he never said anything and just played "the observer" he was actually scheming all these one liners he'd spit out his first couple weeks of talking just to freak us all out!

I've had a strong impression to get back to this blog. It got to the point where I felt like a dweeb for even trying to post something since it had been so long. Well here we go again....I'm going to work hard at keeping this the one constant thing in my life :)